Do I feel like I should be? Yes. That, however, is primarily due to the fact that I have neglected to sleep the previous night. 10:15 AM on no sleep and a single cup of coffee can feel like the end of a long workday, and I'm a student just returning to university. Joy. There is nothing quite like the feeling of utter listlessness from having not slept for a long time, with the exception of having an exceptionally bad hangover. Luckily, I have never encountered that particular problem, and I look forward to avoiding it in the future.
Damn my mind. I made a typo in the previous sentence, spotted it, removed it and thought about leaving it in as an example of how tired I am. After deliberating on it for awhile, I decided I preferred having no little red squiggle over making a point through idle spelling errors. That's how I am, though. Always wanting to make sure I come through clearly. It's something I feel I need to do, to appear more human in these... posts. Emotion, passion, inflection... these things are lost in the aether when you just post words on the internet. Anyone who thinks a smiley face can explain what they're feeling is a fool.
No offense to those of you out there who think that. It's just hard to discern exactly what "I SEE YOU :D" means when it pops up on your cell phone with "hidden" on the display. Your hands start to sweat, wondering if someone's playing a prank on you, wondering if there's a psycho out there waiting to do something... awful... to you. Especially when you're running low on sleep. I couldn't have done it if I had tried. I know that for a fact. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there.
I tried to get my friend to meet with me since we hadn't seen each other since April. We were supposed to have met up in February, but he had some things to do with his family. Now he's busy at work and I'm finishing school... I'm lucky if I get to see him twice a year. Before, I would see him all the time. At school. At the studio. Now...
I don't know what to write anymore. I feel like I'm done, that I don't have anything else to talk about, but there's something that makes me want to keep going. I feel like it... it's soothing, in a weird way. It feels nice to get my thoughts out in the open like this. Things seem clearer, as though it's more obvious that this is what I should be doing right now. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to lie down and close my eyes for a minute... an hour... eight whole hours...... then i remember that i cant.
Damn my eyes for staying open so long. Groggy. Starting to talk like Rorschach from Watchmen. Not good for mental stability. Must hang this lampshade and consider what is making Joreal talk about himself. Need to make self-referential humor.
I feel sick. There's a guy who keeps staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking. I can feel him looking at me like I've grown an extra set of eyes on my forehead, and they're staring at him. Funny thing is, I kinda feel like I'm looking at him while I write this.
I'm sure you're all wondering what I was talking about with the PLAYERs this and creepy faceless man that and (DO NOT LOOK BEHIND YOU RIGHT NOW) all the blahblahblahyaddayadda, but to be honest I don't really understand much of it myself right now. Like I said before, intro, recap, and then we resume. Well, you all never really took a break. It's more like... new PLAYERs are coming in from the wings, to fill new roles which need lines to be read, blocking to be done, and blood to be spilled.
Don't worry, it probably won't be yours. Probably.
Break a leg, PLAYERs.
-JC
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