Damnit

Damnit

Damknit

DAMNIT

Drained at 11:17 A.M. Where am I? Who am I? I remember being someone, but I don't really know who taht is anymore. I'm done', I'm done with this shit. The wondering what's happening and

12:12 P.M. Shit. I'm sorry. I don't know what keeps happening to me. I was in a different room than the one I am currently in and now I lost an hour. I don't see any of this changing anything, though. I'm done. Done. Heh. Like I have a choice. Maybe I do. Maybe we all do. See, I'm taking my little episodes of slipping in and out as a sign that maybe I should have done this a long, long time ago. Maybe it's time for a change.

12:15 P.M. Maybe. Saying that a lot now. Not just on here. In my head. Maybe. Maybe we should stop typing, I tell myself. That'd be the fastest way out of this shit. But I can't. It's... it's a compulsion. I see the words and they don't beg, they demand, to be seen, to be heard. For all to see. Coughing. Ugh. Feel like I ate something, but I don't remember it. I don't know how I'd have paid for it anyway, I can barely remember last...

12:17 P.M. What happened last month? It's the 29th? Of February? So it's a leap year, I must have missed that when these fuckers were fucking with me and fuck what' the hell am I doing here damnit I want some fucking answers and I want them NOW

12:18 P.M. Calm. Calmer. That last bit wrote itself pretty furiously. Drew more than a little attention to myself when I was slamming the keys down. Feeling a little better. But only a little. Still have no idea what's going on with this lost time bullshit and what the point of it all is. I

...12:19 P.M. Or is it 12:18 P.M.? My watch is a minute slower than my computer clock, but I remember synching them up a few months ago. hrm. I don't like not knowing what time it is. I'll go with the computer clock for now, but I'd like a definite answer to this as soon as I can think of one. Don't know if it's significant enough to warrant this level of worry, but I'd rather take note of it than let it slide and have it be important later on.

12:21 P.M. Sneezing. Feel congested. Saw a darkish figure duck into the parking garage across the street, but I seriously doubt it's worth worrying about. No, if that was about me they'd be headed for that other place, which I can remember but cannot recall what it is. Don't you hate it when you remember stuff happening before you can remember, yet having it still be vivid enough for you to know you should know about it? Like talking to someone about carpooling. That's something you'd think I would remember. But nope, no idea when or where that's supposed to be happening. I'm kind of hoping it's just supposed to be here and whoever it is I'm riding with knows what's up and thinks to give me a call.

12:25 P.M. blood Well that's still the same at least. Nice to know the one constant in this is that whenever I write about that I'll have no control over it turning into some creepy-assed cryptic message that doesn't even really look like much of a message to begin with. Good job, creepy people/things. I'm almost kind of scared. Almost. For now I'm much more concerned with what me falling in and out of consciousness is supposed to signify. Oh, btw, tired. Yeah, I'm fucking tired alright. Feel like I didn't sleep a wink last night, not that I'd know anything about that.

12:28 P.M. Feel congested. Sleep dep is making it hard to think. Making stupid errors that I keep having to go back and correct, starting to feel myself slipping into sleep. Closing my eyes a little at a time to see if that relieves it any while I try to write. Nope. Just makes me want to sleep that much more. Damnit. I could really use a bed right now. No idea how I made it out here in this condition. ffffffffffffffsssssssssssssssssssssssss. Sigh.

12:31 P.M. Trying to see if I can sleep a little, posting this then going to try again. Night.

Failure

The man behind the curtain rarely comes out to let you know you're screwing up his play. Imagine my surprise when just that happened, only not in the way one would imagine it happening...

It was more like a firing, only rather than being asked to clean off your desk and leave, you're placed in a stasis chamber and given a date and time of when you'll wake up. Only when you do, it's on a bed at... 11:33 P.M., EST. On the 15th. Of January.

My nails are long, telling me that I've probably not been in cryo or whatever but more likely just forgotten everything that has led up to this ppoint. I'm fairly certain that I just slipped up again, somewhere, but I don't have the resources to figure out what that was. I need to get my bearings and determine what needs to be done.

11:36 P.M. The only real good thing about all this is in how I don't currently feel tired. Whatever happened seems to have cleared that up rather well, so I'll devote this time to determining what may have caused this/// amnesia.

11:37 P.M. Again, I'm on a bed, my bed, at home. Apparently I need to clean my sheets, or something else could be making that smell. To clarify, I woke up with my laptop open, this blog open, with the title awaiting a name. I figured since I could barely remember where I was, "Success" was not a valid option.

11:39 P.M. I should throw on some shoes and run out to see if anything has changed in regards to my house or what have you, but right now I feel like all my answers are going to be found on here. Oof. I just had a hunger pang. Now that I think about it, I may have not eaten in a month and a half. Be right back.

11:45 P.M. I have... fresh food in my fridge. And in the pantry. terrifying. It could be that I had an amnesia attack, though I doubt I could have just forgotten a month and a half. That's kind of silly. Yeah. silly like having gusts of wind assault your door.

11:50 P.M. Nails trimmed, sandwich made. Roast beef on rye with Swiss and lettuce, little brown mustard. Kinda hurts to swallow right now. Stomach feels empty. I mean like running on fumes empty. Alright, so maybe the frozen for 1.5 months theory is gaining ground on the amnesia one. I figured the food killed the other one, though if it doesn't where's the food from? (me)

.......11:52 P.M. Do that again. (sure) ...Fuck. Weren't you talking in all caps before? (nothim) Oh, good. Do me a favor and be silent for awhile. OK, nothing else showed up, so here. this is my mental breakdown. I didn't think it would happen like this, but whatever. (notbreakdown)(seeingforfirsttime) Fuck you, seeing what? Seeing how I lost a month? Again? Seeing how this shit doesn't make any sense? (n no, you shut up now. I'm talking. 11:56 P.M. You shut up. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'll be damned if I'm just gonna lie down and take it.

11:57 P.M. It's gone for now. I don't know who it's working for, I just know I've had it with these... whatever they are. I'm gonna finish eating, then I'm going out to see if I can determine just what the hell is really happening. 11:59 P.M., leaving now.