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Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
So It Hits Me
I may have MPD.
Yeah, it seems like I'm trying to cop out with an explanation like this, but it tracks with what I've been through in the past. The times I've passed out before, when I'm in one place at one moment and then suddenly I'm somewhere else and it's a lot later... it makes a hell of a lot more sense than the idea that there's some freakish monstrosity after me.
What's more likely? Some giant, otherworldly thing stalking you, or you have a psychotic break? I'm going with the "I have a mental disorder" scenario until I find definite proof there is something
11:04 P.M. Went to the bathroom. Nothing happened in terms of a blackout or lost time, just forgot to post when I started. So, again. Until I have proof beyond a reasonable doubt there is something supernatural going on here, I'm leaning towards me being crazy as the more likely culprit. Not that I'm exactly enthusiastic about me being crazy, let alone being stalked by who knows what. Hell, it may indeed be both happening at the same time, and I jjust can't tell the difference. What a crappy time that would be.
11:07 P.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. M key s being a bitch, as is the I. A sees to be back to normal. I'm guessing there's cruft or it's just sticking. Joy. Laptop's only, what, 8 months old now? 6? That's a great sign. I might have to go ahead and take it down to Fry's or Best Buy sometime to get it checked out. Power Cord had a piece get ripped out too. All this stuff is just turning to trash right before my eyes and there's nothing I can do about it. Buh.
11:11 P.M. Soda I drank a minute ago is starting to take effect. I don't get hyper per se from drinking caffeine, but my heart always goes into overdrive and I start working a hell of a lot faster when I do. Only problem seems to be when I finish writing my latest thought, it takes my mind a minute to come up with something new. Even that took me a minute to think up. Buh again.
11:13 P.M. OK, back on topic. My mind seems to blank out occasionally, and I don't really have recording equipment sophisticated enough to handle recording above 480p or for longer then... maybe 2.5 hours. Not great at all. Starting to feel defeated, or tired. Maybe defeated is the wrong word. Deflated, there we go. I'm feeling like a balloon that had all the air released from it. Buh x 3.
11:17 P.M. Well, this little post has been cheery and upbeat so far, why not stop while we're ahead. Or behind. Hell, I don't even know what I am anymore. I might come back sometime tomorrow if I have a epiphany about what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe.
Yeah, it seems like I'm trying to cop out with an explanation like this, but it tracks with what I've been through in the past. The times I've passed out before, when I'm in one place at one moment and then suddenly I'm somewhere else and it's a lot later... it makes a hell of a lot more sense than the idea that there's some freakish monstrosity after me.
What's more likely? Some giant, otherworldly thing stalking you, or you have a psychotic break? I'm going with the "I have a mental disorder" scenario until I find definite proof there is something
11:04 P.M. Went to the bathroom. Nothing happened in terms of a blackout or lost time, just forgot to post when I started. So, again. Until I have proof beyond a reasonable doubt there is something supernatural going on here, I'm leaning towards me being crazy as the more likely culprit. Not that I'm exactly enthusiastic about me being crazy, let alone being stalked by who knows what. Hell, it may indeed be both happening at the same time, and I jjust can't tell the difference. What a crappy time that would be.
11:07 P.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. M key s being a bitch, as is the I. A sees to be back to normal. I'm guessing there's cruft or it's just sticking. Joy. Laptop's only, what, 8 months old now? 6? That's a great sign. I might have to go ahead and take it down to Fry's or Best Buy sometime to get it checked out. Power Cord had a piece get ripped out too. All this stuff is just turning to trash right before my eyes and there's nothing I can do about it. Buh.
11:11 P.M. Soda I drank a minute ago is starting to take effect. I don't get hyper per se from drinking caffeine, but my heart always goes into overdrive and I start working a hell of a lot faster when I do. Only problem seems to be when I finish writing my latest thought, it takes my mind a minute to come up with something new. Even that took me a minute to think up. Buh again.
11:13 P.M. OK, back on topic. My mind seems to blank out occasionally, and I don't really have recording equipment sophisticated enough to handle recording above 480p or for longer then... maybe 2.5 hours. Not great at all. Starting to feel defeated, or tired. Maybe defeated is the wrong word. Deflated, there we go. I'm feeling like a balloon that had all the air released from it. Buh x 3.
11:17 P.M. Well, this little post has been cheery and upbeat so far, why not stop while we're ahead. Or behind. Hell, I don't even know what I am anymore. I might come back sometime tomorrow if I have a epiphany about what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Really Tired Update
1:20 P.M. There comes a time in every person's life when they need to take a deep breath, look at themselves in the mirror, and ask themselves: Who the hell are you? Not in terms of what you want to do with the rest of your life; no, you can't do that in an afternoon. The real purpose of asking this particular question is to find the answer of who you are at this particular instant. Last night I discovered, after a binge session of deep introspective thought and attempting to stay awake lest something horrible come for me in the darkness, that I am a coward.
1:23 P.M. There's nothing wrong with this, per se. You don't have to be the courageous hero, taking on all odds no matter the stakes. There are only supposed to be a select few of those, and they probably have the training and builds to handle said activities. I myself have a preponderance to bleeding when confronted with things that have the strength to buffet one's door like a miniature hurricane. That's just me, though. After the calm arrived about, oh, three hours later, I dared to step outside my bedroom with a blunt instrument along the lines of a DVD box set of Stargate: SG-1, back when they were using the bulky DVD cases. In retrospect, I probably should have grabbed the rock I've had sitting on my shelf all these years. Oh well, retrospect, hindsight, etc.
Upon examination of the exterior of my bedroom door, I saw absolutely no marks of any kind upon it. Nothing. I'm talking I had a dog once that did more damage scratching the base in an attempt to be let in for bed it was so pristine. I'm guessing there's some correlation between the messages from THEY or whatever took over my blog before and this. Not jumping to conclusions just yet, but I'm keeping it in mind. When something says it wants you dead and something like this happens, you gotta take everything you can into account.
1:29 P.M. My head's killing me. I didn't get any sleep at all last night. grabbed an hour back around 8, 9 A.M. Still tired. Going to try to sleep early so I can catch up and then work on some more research on whatever the hell might be happening here. I don't really have much of an idea in terms of what I should be looking for, though I feel like I'll know what I'm looking for when I find it.
1:36 P.M. I was distracted for a moment. Low sleep makes it hard to concentrate on just one thing. I keep checking the time, though now it's not the standard "Have I been thrown forward" side-glances. I'm looking every few seconds because it feels like forever has passed by and then I see it hasn't even been a whole minute. I normally pound out a few thoughts per minute here, but it's 1:39 P.M. and all I can think is why can't I stop focusing on what time it is? I feel like there's something important I'm forgetting, something vital... but then I get distracted and forget what I was thinking about. Rinse, repeat. It can get so droll, I eventually lose interest and start thinking about something else and wham, I can't get back to where I was.
1:40 P.M. Well, 1:41 P.M. now. Meh. I'm finding it hard to talk about my research when all I have to report in is my lack of reliable research that I've found so far. This is really devastating, looking for just one thing that can help me make heads or tails of whatever's going on, and all I can find is irrelevant texts and crackpot theories from people who want to appear smart by using big words in order to make people respect them. When someone like me can see through your bullshit on low sleep and a torrent of psychosis, it makes me think either they're an idiot or I'm so sleep deprived and/or freaked out from the latest occurrences of paranormal activity that I can't clearly determine what is or is not helpful. At least I have the presence of mind to email myself the call numbers of the books I've been looking at so I can return with a clear head and give them a second chance.
1:45 P.M. My head isn't pounding, but it still feels like it's in a fishbowl. You know those commercials, where they show someone with their head in an actual fishbowl? When I was younger, I could never imagine I would feel what that was like within my lifetime. Well congrats kiddo, we finally reached that awkward age where you want to stay up all night but your body just doesn't think it can handle this shit anymore. Tough luck, time to drink some Darjeeling tea and set an earlier bedtime. Especially if mini-hurricanes are going to become a recurring thing. I wonder if white noise machines can cancel that out...
1:48 P.M. I need to start wrapping this up. Becoming distracted, and that's never a good thing. I get wacky when I'm distracted, and I'd like to keep this a wacky free zone. If I can think of anything else that could be considered relevant, I'll try to make a note of it so I can look it over later on and post it with my next update. I promise I'll attempt to sleep better tonight, though if any disturbances occur I can't guarantee anything. Wish me luck.
1:50 P.M. - P.S., it looks like there's been little to no sign of my parenthetical madness writing. Maybe not censoring my thoughts is giving it a vacation for awhile. Welp, anything that makes me look saner, I'll take it. Alright, later.
1:23 P.M. There's nothing wrong with this, per se. You don't have to be the courageous hero, taking on all odds no matter the stakes. There are only supposed to be a select few of those, and they probably have the training and builds to handle said activities. I myself have a preponderance to bleeding when confronted with things that have the strength to buffet one's door like a miniature hurricane. That's just me, though. After the calm arrived about, oh, three hours later, I dared to step outside my bedroom with a blunt instrument along the lines of a DVD box set of Stargate: SG-1, back when they were using the bulky DVD cases. In retrospect, I probably should have grabbed the rock I've had sitting on my shelf all these years. Oh well, retrospect, hindsight, etc.
Upon examination of the exterior of my bedroom door, I saw absolutely no marks of any kind upon it. Nothing. I'm talking I had a dog once that did more damage scratching the base in an attempt to be let in for bed it was so pristine. I'm guessing there's some correlation between the messages from THEY or whatever took over my blog before and this. Not jumping to conclusions just yet, but I'm keeping it in mind. When something says it wants you dead and something like this happens, you gotta take everything you can into account.
1:29 P.M. My head's killing me. I didn't get any sleep at all last night. grabbed an hour back around 8, 9 A.M. Still tired. Going to try to sleep early so I can catch up and then work on some more research on whatever the hell might be happening here. I don't really have much of an idea in terms of what I should be looking for, though I feel like I'll know what I'm looking for when I find it.
1:36 P.M. I was distracted for a moment. Low sleep makes it hard to concentrate on just one thing. I keep checking the time, though now it's not the standard "Have I been thrown forward" side-glances. I'm looking every few seconds because it feels like forever has passed by and then I see it hasn't even been a whole minute. I normally pound out a few thoughts per minute here, but it's 1:39 P.M. and all I can think is why can't I stop focusing on what time it is? I feel like there's something important I'm forgetting, something vital... but then I get distracted and forget what I was thinking about. Rinse, repeat. It can get so droll, I eventually lose interest and start thinking about something else and wham, I can't get back to where I was.
1:40 P.M. Well, 1:41 P.M. now. Meh. I'm finding it hard to talk about my research when all I have to report in is my lack of reliable research that I've found so far. This is really devastating, looking for just one thing that can help me make heads or tails of whatever's going on, and all I can find is irrelevant texts and crackpot theories from people who want to appear smart by using big words in order to make people respect them. When someone like me can see through your bullshit on low sleep and a torrent of psychosis, it makes me think either they're an idiot or I'm so sleep deprived and/or freaked out from the latest occurrences of paranormal activity that I can't clearly determine what is or is not helpful. At least I have the presence of mind to email myself the call numbers of the books I've been looking at so I can return with a clear head and give them a second chance.
1:45 P.M. My head isn't pounding, but it still feels like it's in a fishbowl. You know those commercials, where they show someone with their head in an actual fishbowl? When I was younger, I could never imagine I would feel what that was like within my lifetime. Well congrats kiddo, we finally reached that awkward age where you want to stay up all night but your body just doesn't think it can handle this shit anymore. Tough luck, time to drink some Darjeeling tea and set an earlier bedtime. Especially if mini-hurricanes are going to become a recurring thing. I wonder if white noise machines can cancel that out...
1:48 P.M. I need to start wrapping this up. Becoming distracted, and that's never a good thing. I get wacky when I'm distracted, and I'd like to keep this a wacky free zone. If I can think of anything else that could be considered relevant, I'll try to make a note of it so I can look it over later on and post it with my next update. I promise I'll attempt to sleep better tonight, though if any disturbances occur I can't guarantee anything. Wish me luck.
1:50 P.M. - P.S., it looks like there's been little to no sign of my parenthetical madness writing. Maybe not censoring my thoughts is giving it a vacation for awhile. Welp, anything that makes me look saner, I'll take it. Alright, later.
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